THE ULTIMATE AIRLINE FOR THE FOODIE HIPSTER

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The 21st Century has seen the rise of concentrated efforts toward self-care and health awareness and thus The Douche fleet was born for the discerning foodie hipster

Catering to the growing numbers of discerning air travellers who desire to nurture their inner selves while in flight. Perfectworld Airways  is proud to announce the newest addition to their burgeoning fleet, The Douche D360.
The D360 offers the elite air traveller an opportunity to sample the latest in food trends while meeting people who share their passion for being hip.

High Altitude Colonic™

The Douche Fleet offers an exclusive high colonic service for our passengers who feel somewhat “sluggish” after their long flight. The service is available shortly after takeoff and, for obvious safety reasons, shuts down twenty minutes before landing.
Body temperature Fuji Water used exclusively and a wide choice of music to be used to mask water pump and other distracting noises.
With an on-site flight engineer to monitor cabin pressure,  reduces risk of sudden loss of pressure in the cabin could be quite uncomfortable
Souvenir HAC™ hat to use to inform your friends where you were when you went missing midflight.

Organic Wheatgrassland

Pro-Biotic Air is pleased to introduce an inflight area dedicated to the miraculous Triticum aestivum: the cotyledon of wheat grass.
Sprouts organically nurtured by certified wheat grass farmers
Silver-plated extracting machines are used to prevent fertilizer contamination.
Wide assortments of flavoring agents are available to mask the taste of the wheat grass.

The Craft Biergarten & Brewery

The Editorial Staff of Modern Beer Guzzler Magazine has said of our Craft Biergarten, “If you want to drink great quantities of artisanal beer while sitting in an aluminum tube travelling at 96% of the speed of sound (1020 km/h, or 634 mph), this is the place to do it!”
260 craft beers from around the world including PBA’s own brand, Screaming Spleen Stout. Live polka music, naturally

Kefir Cabaret – Adjust Your Attitude While We Adjust Your Altitude

Fill your body with bacteria and yeasts. There is no better way to start a long flight. Make your choice from Kefir and Soda, Kefir on the Beach, Kefiritas, Hot Mulled Kefir, Kefir on the Rocks, Hot Buttered Kefir and Bloody Kefir. Silly hats and noisemakers on each flight.

Related:  CHEF WARS

Veganville – A Cornucopia of Blended Blandness

“Il n’y a pas de produits animaux ici!”  As the sign over the entrance to this section says,
“There are no animal products here!” Our world-renowned vegan chefs have prepared dazzling entrees for you.

  • Faux Filet Mignon Avec Soy Puree
  • Asperges grillées au tofu sauté
  • Boîte en carton cuit au four avec réduction balsamique
  • Beurre d’arachide et soupe d’açaï
    Tarte à la sciure

Seed City

Scientists and leading medical experts are proclaiming the health benefits of eating seeds. In Seed City, passengers will find bins of healthy seeds that they can put in sacks and chew on during the flight.
•    Hemp Seeds – for healthy hair and skin. Note: they cannot be smoked.
•    Chia Seeds – high in iron and folate. Unused seeds can be used to grow a Chia Pet.
•    Sacha Incha Seeds – Peruvian peanuts high in omega fatty acids.  Non-hallucinogenic.
•    Flax Seeds – a great source of fiber, guaranteed to not stick to the roof of your mouth
•    Bottles of natural spring water are available to wash the seeds down.

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TOM CAVANAUGH

Tom has converted 40 years with ad agencies into something useful...writing articles and blog posts with a somewhat skewed view of the world. As Bill Nye The Science Guy said, "Humor is everywhere, in that there's irony in just about anything a human does."
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